Mocking Alphabet
by Sarkura
Summary: With a strange teacher and even stranger class, Cadet Cloud is forced to learn Common language.
1. Chapter 1

Mocking Alphabet

This was a joke right? At first when he received a letter demanding that he would join a Common language class each week or else he would be kicked out of the cadet program, was not what he was expecting. He was not exactly pleased or sure why he was put into the class since he was quiet good at reading and writing, better than most of the other residence from his hometown.

Cloud stared hard and long at the teacher standing at the front of the class. For the whole boring 1 hour he stared, spaced-out with his mouth open waiting for a bug to fly in. When the lesson finally ended, a slam on the wall at the front alerted him that he had not listened at all.

"That's it for today, your homework is to write a word for each letter of the alphabet. Make it interesting or you will get a fail." The teacher gathered his books and documents together. "Dismissed."

Shuffling of paper and pen scratches before the screeching of chairs was all Cloud heard as he sat there idly, back into his trance with the teacher. Only when the door slammed shut was he busted out of his bubbled again. A pair of glowing green eyes stared at him, when Cloud noticed this his face and ears became a tomato red.

"Uh..." The intensity of those eyes increased as they scanned Cloud from top to bottom.

"You... are Zack's friend, Spiky. Right?" Surprise flashed on Cloud's face, his sky blue-eyes (framed by thick blond lashes) widened.

"Yes sir?" A little hesitant but more curious than a cat Cloud was dying to ask how someone like his teacher knew him. "Sir, you know Zack?"

"The puppy has talked non-stop about you for the past week at dinner. Since you are a friend of Zack's you must be a good person. You can do your homework here since it's free for this period and cadets are free this period too."

"Erm... okay Sir."

There was a small smile on the teacher's thin warm lips. "If you need help with anything, you can talk to me. Talking to someone about your problems releases stress."

Cloud returned that small gesture his teacher allowed him to see with a warmer and brighter smile. "Yes Sir!" Cloud withdrew a lined paper and began writing.

Cloud Strife

Homework: To write a word for each letter of the alphabet.

A is for Angeal Hewley

B is for Banora apples

C is for Cloud Strife

D is for Danger

E is for Emergency

F is for First Ken

G is for Genesis Rhapsodos

H is for Hero

I is for Injustice

J is for Justice

K is for Kill

L is for Lemons

M is for Materia

N is for Nibelheim

O is for Original

P is for Pranks

Q is for Queer

R is for Resurrection

S is for Sephiroth

T is for Tall

U is for Ultimate sword

V is for Vampire

W is for Weapon

X is for X-Potion

Y is for Yielding

Z is for Zack Fair

In total the homework had taken Cloud about 20 minutes to complete and he had not asked for help from his busy teacher. Trying his best to mask his fear he approached the working man at the teacher's desk and handed in his homework.

"Finished?"

"Yes Sir."

Cloud watched as his teacher's eyes roam quickly and raised an eye at a few. Cloud fidgeted and played with the helm of his T-shirt (his jacket and scarf was taken off) finally the paper was handed back to him. What was wrong with his work? Was it not interesting enough?

"Very good... ah? Cloud?"

"Y-Yes sir?"

"The next homework is to write about the words you picked and I would like you to hand me that in tomorrow, go and have your break."

"Okay... good bye Sir, have a pleasant day." Cloud mumbled.

"Likewise Cloud..." The door opened and shut.

Cloud had left.

Sighing to himself the teacher leaned back into his chair. "Zack, get out of the cupboard." He rolled his eyes at the overprotective puppy and snorted when Zack struggled to free himself gently and ungracefully tumbled out, face first on the floor.

"Ow..."


	2. Chapter 2

Mocking Alphabet

Cloud Strife

Homework: To write about the words picked from the last homework.

Angeal Hewley was the mentor for a friend of mine. He would always preach about honor and dreams, sadly General Angeal Hewley had gone MIA, but my friend has recently become determined and a little more mature. He told me to keep my honor and embrace my dreams. My honor would be to protect those that are dear to me and my dream is to become SOLDIER, to fight along side General Sephiroth against injustice.

Banora apples are odd and strange fruits indeed. They only ripe at odd times of the year and because of that the locals of Banora call those apples Dumbapples. My friend had told me this too, gave me some Banora apple juice to taste...

Cloud twitched, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up and pulling out of his skin, but he ignored the sensation and continued writing.

Cloud Strife. My name isn't just for show.

Danger, that's right. When I became angry I am dangerous.

Emergency... room-

"God damn it Zack! Quit reading over my shoulder!" Cloud yelled, his face once again flush from anger.

"Whoa! Calm down Chocobo! The puppy means no harm! I swear!" Zack ran away before Cloud could swat his head with a umbrella.

Cloud sighed as he rubbed out what he had just written and muttered darkly. "Zack Fair... be lucky it was in pencil."

Cloud Strife. My mother was rather poetic, so she named me to reflect my personality, that was nice, but it didn't really help me, since I inherited more of my mother's features than my mystery father, she was a strong woman with a small build and not very menacing-looking.

Danger, me and it was good friends. As I said before my mother was not very menacing and neither was I, which had its pros and cons. No one ever really noticed if I was there or not so I rarely got bullied by the other cadets. But when I did get bullied, I had a nasty tempter to match my name.

Emergency... more often than not, my friend would suddenly appear out of nowhere like a Wutai ninja and grab me to help him with his emergency. Namely avoiding General Sephiroth hunting him down to make him complete paper work. Apparently the worst job in the world.

Cloud suddenly feeling paranoid got up from his comfy, stiff mattress, bunk bed (notice the sarcasm) and opened his bunk room door and wardrobe. "Zack, out!"

Zack made a pathetic whine and gave cloud a sad kicked puppy eyes.

"I said out Zack."

"But!-"

"No! Out!"

"But someone tried to steal your boxers Cloud!"

"This isn't my wardrobe!"

"Huh? Then where did you put your clothes?"

Cloud rolled his eyes. "As if I would tell you Zack. My boxers are safe, now out!"

"But Cloud-"

"Zack Fair..." There was a sudden thunder that cracked the air outside loudly. "Go do your paper work!"

Zack suddenly straightened up and popped out of the wardrobe and saluted Cloud. "Yes Sir!" within a blink of an eye Zack bolted out of the bunk room, a series of screams and bloody murder was heard. Alone once again Cloud mumbled, more tiredly now, how on Gaia did Zack avoided General Sephiroth so much? Despite the energy that was sucked literally out of him by just being next to Zack he smiled fondly thinking about his best friend.

First Ken. Apparently the best job in the world is thinking up of ridiculous and outrageous weapons that was more of a burden than help... unless you was a SOLDIER called Zack Fair. You see, when Zack was a second class SOLDIER and when Angeal began to mentor Zack, he had a sudden obsession of buster swords. When he couldn't decide which buster sword he liked best, being the simpleton he was he decided why not just combine all his favorite swords into one giant fusion sword? Designing such a sword would take years!

Genesis Rhapsodos liked fire materia types and red a lot. How do I know this? The answer of course is Zack Fair, he has a bad habit of annoying the Generals it seems. Sadly General Genesis is also MIA, Zack even though he doesn't say anything, I know he's sad and many Genesis fan-clubs agree.

Hero. What's a hero? Zack once told me, "embrace your dreams. If you want to be a hero you need to have dreams...and honor." I don't think I'm capable of becoming a hero, but just being able to protect the people I love is enough for me.

Injustice to the beautiful motorbike. How could they put such a beautiful bike only for display? In the museum there's this beautiful Hardy Daytona, why am I so infatuated with a motorbike? Because I don't get motion sickness riding them!

Cloud stared hard at the homework and back at his pillow and back at his homework, an image of a disappointed teacher flashed in his mind. "Hm..." A siren went off though the Shin-Ra complex, only then was Cloud reminded why there was no one in the bunk rooms- he only had 5 minutes to get to class.

His next class was gym.

He groaned rushing to rather his belongings and to the field outside. Cloud screeched to a stop outside the changing rooms, with only 2 minutes to spare he changed within 30 seconds and ran to where the class was gathered. "Fuck my life."

_Justice is when Zack Fair is not my gym teacher._ Cloud thought darkly.

A bright smile was on Zack's face as he announced that he was teaching the cadets as cover... their usual instructor had a stomach ache. The damn puppy was a definite ninja.

Murmurs of the legendary Zack Fair was muttered and excitement erupted from the cadets.

Cloud's mind began cursing his best friend. _Killing Zack for running away from his paper work sounds reasonable._

"Okay everyone, I want you to run around the circuit 4 times. Go!" The excited cadets rushed off to complete the first task. Zack jogged with the group at the side, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "If any of you is still behind me in 10 seconds your laps are increase by double!"

_Lemons... is the slang for sex among the cadets. Why on Gaia did they pick lemons?_

_Materia is pretty, but according to Zack his girlfriend is more pretty than anything in the world. Her eyes are not green, they're a natural forest shade. Dark and light all in one._

There was a nudge on Cloud's shoulder. "Hey Spiky snap out of your day dream, your behind the rest of them."

"Oh... right. Gotta run faster, silly me."

_Nibelheim had bullies and since I was different the other children sometimes tried to hurt me, just because they knew my mother could not complain to anyone or do anything about it._

Annoyed Cloud ran a little faster and kept the pace at the tail of the group.

_Original is what I like to call my up bringing._

_Pranks and silly things like that is what the children played on me. I didn't think they was funny since most of them either hurt me or humiliated me._

"Good! 4 laps done!" Zack yelled. Some of us was panting hard which included me, Zack on the other hand hadn't even broken a sweat. "Time for 100 push ups! Afterward you get your drink break"

_Queer is what they called me when I first came to Migar and at first I didn't understand how I was queer but when I came to Shin-Ra and joined the cadet's first day I understood why._

Cloud knew he was getting odd looks from his peers but he ignored it and dropped to the floor going straight into working his muscles. He was not weak!

_My mother's soft and delicate features was also my own, a lot of women would kill to have my type of petite form. I am not happy!_

He frowned and continued working his arms and stomach muscles.

_Resurrection. I'd overheard from the other cadet that bunk in my room gossiping about Wutai ghost stories. There was an young man that was married to his lover, but the other potential wives was jealous and killed her. The man gone insane conducted resurrection rituals, for many years he failed. One day in the cave that the man lived in there was no more noise and no one was brave enough to search for him. They never heard of him again._

_Sephiroth... is the General. I know I shouldn't be saying this and I know for definite there is no way in hell I would write about what I am about to say about him on my homework... Gah! Good Lord, his hair! How on Gaia does he wash it? It's so long!_

_Tall people are around me all the time. I am very, very, bitterly short. It's not fair... almost everyone I know is taller than me! The only people I know that are shorter than me are women... and I know very few women._

"100 push ups." Cloud muttered and collapsed on the hard dirt. There was still a few others that hadn't finished however the majority of the group had finished and her was a small line for the fountain.

"Spiky." Cloud turned around and blinked when a bottle was thrown at him, he clumsily caught it and smiled at Zack.

"Thanks."

"No problem." A sly grin went unnoticed on Zack's face. "It's clean and it's not my bottle."

"Uh... okay?" Cloud's paranoid personality told him to check the bottle for clues. There was a scratched in letter 'S' at the bottom of the metal bottle and although it was suspicious Cloud couldn't think of anyone he knew that had a name beginning with 'S'.

A few minutes later everyone was standing attention as Zack gave out the next orders. "Pair up!"

"Sir!" Everyone hesitated, a cadet called Johnathan decided he would be brave.

"Yes Cadet?"

"Our group is always odd, so someone always pairs up with our instructor."

"Oh... thank you Cadet." Zack was grinning again and Cloud had a sinking feel in his gut that he was going to be picked as his partner. "Cadet Strife come here."

Cloud rolled his eyes and paired up with Zack while everyone else partnered up with someone. They was taking it in turns to do sit ups, the one who had less sit ups than the other partner had to carry the partner that won around the circuit around once.

_Ultimate sword was a myth, said to only be owned by the strongest and fastest. These was one of the swords that Zack said would be for his fusion sword. Cloud by then had stopped paying attention to the ramblings of how awesome he would be. Zack only stopped when Cloud had mentioned the sword was a myth and that it was impossible to take apart the ultimate sword, only a Goddess could do that._

_Vampire. There's this story about a vampire that sleeps in the Shin-Ra mansion near my hometown. I've been dared to go inside and look but I knew better than to trust the other kids. Tifa went in there and came back out rolling her eyes. She said there was nothing other than dust everywhere._

"My turn Spiky."

"Yub. I know your gonna win Zack."

"D'aww Cloud don't be so negative. I've got materia that makes me slower, so this will be more fair."

"Equipped?" Cloud stared. "It doesn't look like it's equipped Zack."

"W-What are you talking about Cloud, your being silly! Of course it's equipped!"

"It looks like status ailments... Zack. Your not meant to be here at all are you? And you made the instructor sick on purpose to avoid paper work again."

"Eheheheh..."

Cloud sighed.

_Weapon. They are an extension of yourself, if you can not master it then you can not fight to the full potential of the weapon. All the first class SOLDIERS are so in-tune with their weapon, when they fight they seems so powerful and graceful. Especially General Sephiroth._

_X-Potion heal your body quiet nicely, though to Zack It's probably just like any other potion which doesn't really make much of a difference since he heals burns ridiculously fast. How do I know? Let's leave it to an unfortunate accident involving Zack trying to fry an unidentifiable meat._

_Yielding to most of Zack's crazy plans is one thing I try to avoid. There's this one time when I did and somehow I ended up dressed up as a girl and I looked like one too... we went out like we was on a real date. We went to watch Loveless, when the actors ended act III there was a break, Zack told me to go and get Ice-cream; I was about to ask him why but he gave my hand a squeeze and I went to do as I was told. Turns out one of his fan club members decided to stalk him. Somehow they knew he had a girlfriend and decided that I should pretend to be Aerith. I got cornered by said fan member and when I told her I was a guy, she was shocked. So the girlfriend was actually just a friend of Zack that looked really girly... hopefully that's what they thought about it anyway._

"Hey, Cloud, how many sit ups did I do?" Zack asked standing up and stretched.

"67... how many did I do?"

Zack smiled. "67."

"We tied? Zack!" Cloud pouted.

"We both gotta run the circuit. I doubt anyone tied like we did."

They both laughed and indeed they was right, they ran the circuit and when every had finished and gathered again, Zack lectured them all on honor and dreams.

_Zack Fair is a First Class SOLDIER of the Shin-Ra army. He is my best friend, he has a hyper type of personality with the shortest attention span that could even exists. Because of this he was dubbed 'Puppy'. He could just sit there with you and you would be infected by his contagious happiness. I know more than anyone that he would be a lot more happy if his owner was came back, Zack was becoming a fully grown dog and his owner was not there to witness the transformation._

Cloud groaned when everyone was dismissed, he still had to write the rest of his homework...


	3. Chapter 3

Mocking Alphabet

Zack was particularly annoying when there was something he wanted. He would pout and give you his worst puppy face. If there was anything more irritating in the world than Zack's supreme ability to get what he wants then it would had to be Genesis's broken record, reciting Loveless.

There was never a day Sephiroth thought he would say that there was something that would topple Genesis's ranking, but you see, there was one little thing.

Fangirls/boys.

That's right. Every time he was out and about there was at least one of his many fans tailing after him; a thought struck him when Zack had explained about his adventure with a Spiky Chocobo, for once the puppy was a little more useful than usual. Genesis would be proud that he had found a solution to their problem... but Genesis was not there anymore. None the less the plan must go on. There was one problem to his plan, it was to find someone convincing enough... and was able to live on life normally after the deed.

The week after his futile search he was informed he was to teach cadets Common language of all things. He had better things to do, but he had been promised a week to himself after teaching the cadets how to read and write reports. It shouldn't be too hard right?

When those messy spiky hair and bright blue eyes stared at me I knew it was the Spiky Chocobo. He was hard to miss and easy to spot, the photo of Cloud that Zack had showed him made finding him ridiculously easy. Zack had suggested to use Cloud for his plan, but Sephiroth wasn't so sure about it, like he said Cloud was hard to miss and easy to spot.

I received Cloud's second homework, though actually it was because his first homework only had one letter words, I decided to ask him after class.

"Cadet Strife stay behind, class dismissed."

As usual the shuffling of paper and slam of the door was evident that class had ended. Cloud was tense, unsure of what he had done wrong. Sephiroth was unsure how to word his phrasing, but they came tumbling out anyway. "Cloud I need you to help me with a special mission."

There was a pause, before Cloud replied. "What kind of mission?"

"Go out with me."

Cloud stared and answered with a dead pan tone. "Zack suggested you take me out on a date to get rid of your fan, didn't he?"

Sephiroth was slightly taken back by his bluntness. "Yes."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "I'll go out with you, after I kill Zack."

Somewhere in the Shin-Ra complex Zack Fair sneezed, out of instinct he hid in a nearby cupboard.


End file.
